I have to go

I have to go.

I couldn’t even light the candle, light the incense, burn the lighter, and burn my fingers.

The wind was so strong and whistled over. It seemed to drive us away, ruthlessly and cruelly.

The raindrops are very heavy. Although they are not dense, they are full of warnings and expulsions.

Just now, I sat in the car, the stuffy county, people coming and going, some in a hurry, some calmly talking and laughing, but most of them were indifferent, as if they came from another world.

Your best friend asked me, dare to go, dare not go, it looks like it is going to rain.

I didn’t answer. I am must come to see you, since I called yesterday.

Moreover, I believe that rain cannot come, because it knows that we are coming to see you, and it will leave us even a little chance. I believe God will help us.

However, there is still no after all. Oh, my God? If God is wise and kind, how could he bring such kind, warm and virtuous you away from me? How can we break up such a happy family? How can children lack irreplaceable maternal love in their whole life?

Therefore, it sent wind, rain, strong wind and heavy rain to come.

I wanted to light the candle so stubbornly, to light the incense, and to leave you even a little bit of faint warmth when we turned around and left, but it didn’t work. And I, therefore, failed to look at you quietly and talk to you silently. I couldn’t sit beside you quietly, smoking and crying.

I don’t like to come with others. I don’t want to show them sadness, and I don’t want to be strong enough to show them. We can’t be together, I know, but I just want to be with you, even on the barren hills and mountains, silently, even though you don’t say a word, so do I.

But I can’t refuse her kindness, she is your best friend. For more than two years, the world of others is still like that. Apart from the nearest relatives and friends, how many people still remember you? They have their lives and their ordinary but happy lives.

And I, although my soul is gone, still have to lower my head and walk through the streets you are familiar with, in our lonely home, in those units where others looked at me with strange eyes. Occasionally, I will raise my head, but I know that there is never such a firm and powerful pace. The head raised is just an illusion of helplessness. My head has been deeply lowered, down to the dust.

The wheat on the ridge has been harvested, and large tracts of scars stab into the sky like needles. Their golden yellow color has not lasted for a few days, and after the rain, it will be gray decay.

This cycle is over. The hope that has been sown, the exciting new green that has just emerged from the Earth, the joy of playing with the wind, the vitality of the festival, and the surprise of spitting are gone, never.

Although the world is still there, only reincarnation is left, and no one can escape the reincarnation.

Farmers who basked in wheat grains on the roadside collected their wheat grains with their heads lowered, and the rain was coming. But they would never think about the thousands of scars left in the field.

I have to go. My baby is still sleeping at home. Maybe he has already woke up. I wrote him notes left, and some words were also marked with pinyin, but I still don’t worry. I know you don’t worry either.

I’m leaving!

Next time, I will come alone and talk to you quietly.

Just Us.

May 31, 2020

Zan (prose editor: Jiangnan wind) remember the past, a little more youth without any regrets

Lao Gen said: I have a new idea. Draw the scene of Nangang reservoir more carefully. Let’s remember the past and have more youth…

Silly girl

Before last October, I worked and lived in Hongqiao town. This is an ordinary small town in southern Sichuan, the only one that can highlight local characteristics…

You have to go, I will go with you

Recently, I have been listening to teacher Jiang Xun talking about a dream of Red Mansions. I really think it is quite good! He said such an interesting…

Birthday soul

I stood up and stared at the kind name on your tombstone. The warmth of the tombstone gradually dispersed. I raised my head and the sky was clean…

Liu Ma and her son

Wang Xin, the eldest son of Liu Ma, finally became a family at the age of 32, but she always felt uneasy. The ins and outs of things are really difficult…

The Gleaners under the persimmon tree

Lao Gen was silent and a little sad. He thought of Xiaofang, who had liked him when he was young. (Xiaofang: now they are educated young people who liked the countryside…

Unwilling to be ordinary but useless, unwilling to fail but unwilling to yield. With a lot of blood, he was young and frivolous, and he traveled alone on the road of chasing dreams. Even if he was injured, even if he was painful. I stumbled all the way and never followed your plan. When he bowed his head to fate, he always mocked you. When admitting defeat to reality, he will only shake his head at you. Maybe you haven’t done enough, maybe God is a little unfair. I don’t want to do nothing, but I always return empty-handed. It is hard to get a bosom friend in a lifetime, and it is really hard to change a favor.

Time will only change my face, but it cannot stop my dream of youth. Eager for someone to accompany, but lonely for a lifetime. No one can understand the contradictory heart, but there is some sorrow on the surface of the injury. It has not been understood or questioned by others. It is so mediocre, but it can also get a rare peace. I once thought about fighting with fate, but I didn’t have the courage to fight again. Failure always accompanied me. If you want a real situation, you always see cheating. What belongs to me is always missed, and what does not belong to me is even more difficult to find.

Youth always meets with falling, and life always misses success. I can only cry silently in the corner when I see others are blooming with bright fireworks. With a cry of youth, only the ruthlessness of the years came. All the friends around me found happiness one by one. I only had to bless silently and wait quietly to realize my desired dream. I hope that one day, I can also stand on a high place and live a life that was once beyond my expectation with my own happiness.

Don’t let go if you have a dream, and pursue if you have love. Please don’t be like me, destined to be lonely and accomplish nothing.

Zan (prose editor: Yue ran) remember the past, a little more youth without any regrets

Lao Gen said: I have a new idea. Draw the scene of Nangang reservoir more carefully. Let’s remember the past and have more youth…

Silly girl

Before last October, I worked and lived in Hongqiao town. This is an ordinary small town in southern Sichuan, the only one that can highlight local characteristics…

You have to go, I will go with you

Recently, I have been listening to teacher Jiang Xun talking about a dream of Red Mansions. I really think it is quite good! He said such an interesting…

Birthday soul

I stood up and stared at the kind name on your tombstone. The warmth of the tombstone gradually dispersed. I raised my head and the sky was clean…

Liu Ma and her son

Wang Xin, the eldest son of Liu Ma, finally became a family at the age of 32, but she always felt uneasy. The ins and outs of things are really difficult…

The Gleaners under the persimmon tree

Lao Gen was silent and a little sad. He thought of Xiaofang, who had liked him when he was young. (Xiaofang: now they are educated young people who liked the countryside…

No reverse consideration

Life

It’s just a big net

Let you

Indecisive

Standing

Crossroads

Confused

I don’t know

Where to go

Since the selected

Shouldn’t be

Fear

Life

Not so much

Time and opportunity

Let you

Hesitating

Find the right direction

It should be

Go to the dream place

Life

Not much

Can regret chess

Big loss

Come again

Even though

That’s just

After failure

Self-comfort

We have already

No longer Young

We are no longer

Young and frivolous

Can’t afford to lose

The only thing that can be done

Or don’t do it

Or

If you do it, you won’t lose.

Zan (prose editor: Jiangnan wind) Phoenix Mountain Spring Tour

After dressing up at Meiko and changing into an organic glass button suit, the hour hand of the wall clock at home has pointed to nine o’clock. I cross it with noon…

Enter June

In the singing of summer cicada, in the intoxicating evening breeze of summer, we walked into June together again. Entering this memory, we…

Linjia Lane

Once in Linjia Lane, I passed by Yibin, because I needed to stay in Yibin for nearly 5 hours to transfer to a plane, because I was not familiar with this city…

Linjia Lane

Once in Linjia Lane, I passed by Yibin, because I needed to stay in Yibin for nearly 5 hours to transfer to a plane, because I was not familiar with this city…

The confusion of summer night

I couldn’t stand the heat and came to Weishui River for a walk to enjoy the cool. In the beautiful South Bank Parklands of Xianyang Lake and the natural river, it is cool…

Love story

Lover dies, lover…