The younger brother with gray hair said, “Time is so fast. Thirteen years ago, I was sitting on this train to Yinchuan to celebrate my sixth birthday.”
I didn’t speak. Our brothers hardly spoke, except for the water he brought me running around and helped me to the middle berth of the train. He knew I was hurt and had not recovered yet.
In the middle of the night, I woke up in a daze, lifted the window curtain and looked outside. Unexpectedly, I saw the moonlight. It was so pale that I couldn’t tell if it was Frost. The mountain in the distance or the dry Highland is black, and the harvested Zhuang base in the near Sichuan is walking by a small group of shadows. I seem to be in the bitter cold outside the window. Several low farmhouses squatted quietly. A concrete road turned over a wall and went up the slope, then ran to the side of the train Road.
I loose my hand and don’t want to see it again. Today is the 13th lunar calendar. I know, because today is my birthday. Last night, my eldest son called the little baby and said, I listened and secretly wiped a tear.
Birthday needs to be lively, I don’t have a lively heart, just like tonight in this strange place, outside the window is strange moonlight, I can only be dragged by fate, no matter where.
In the empty streets of Yinchuan in the morning, the cold almost froze my fingers with smoke and my ears. Yes, although the traffic is very developed now, it is really far away.
In the prayer hall of the funeral home, there are different mourning apparel, strange and unfamiliar sutras, different whining instruments, colorful and different images of gods and gods, different paper flowers in the spiritual Hall, there are also different paper money.
The portrait of my aunt was quietly placed there with a smile on her face.
My eyes are full of tears. Aunt, distant aunt, you will eventually sleep in this distant place and cannot return to your familiar hometown!
More than two years ago, the last sentence you said to me on the phone was: “Old four, why are we two dead!”. Then, the sniffles at both ends of the phone.
This sound is still in my ears, however, we are already separated by Yin and Yang!
You and my elderly mother are the best sisters. Our family has many children and the economy is very bad. In those years, every time you go back to your hometown, you will bring us big bags and small bags. When I was in school, almost all the clothes I wore were worn by my cousins. Every time you write a letter, you told us to study hard. Our brothers went to school and jumped out of the agricultural Gate. You are happier than your children. In those years, when our hometown hadn’t moved yet, on the 30th of our new year, we always called you on the mountain beam behind our mother’s home. These years, you are old, but you have come back to your hometown many times and lived in my home with your mother. The two sisters talked all night and cooked food for your mother. When they left, I still bought a bag of steamed buns for my mother outside and sent them back. We didn’t dare to tell our mother the bad news. How could she stand it when she knew it?
In the past two years, I have not contacted you. I have lost my beloved wife forever. You have lost your beloved little son forever. We all live in infinite grief, we must often think of it, but we really can’t say a word!
In your warm home, I look at your grandson who is only three years old. He is still ignorant and plays with some strange adults. He may not understand yet, lost my dear father, lost my dear grandmother, how many hardships I have to go through in my life, my tears are spinning in my eyes, but I dare not flow out. I had to go downstairs and smoke one after another in the cold wind.
Your body lies quietly in this distant place. Your old uncle, who is unstable, wailing loudly. Your daughter is still abroad because the epidemic cannot come back, your descendants and more than ten relatives looked at you and choked. The poor and thin girl you helped before was supported by her graduated child. Your photos played in circulation include green trees, red flowers, galloping sea, magnificent ancient buildings, and your satisfying and bright smile.
My cousin cried and read the eulogy. I know that you lost your father when you were young. I know that it is not easy for you to raise three children. I know that you are optimistic, cheerful and hardworking, but I don’t know that you work to subsidize your family, I don’t know that after you lost your beloved son three years ago, you are so strong to face life and cook delicious food for children!
I stared at the words on the screen that your name was being cremated. I knew that you had said goodbye to us forever since then. The sound of the staff crushing the Ashes is so sharp and piercing. I am dull and numb to your relatives and send you to the place where you sleep. Behind your tombstone is the tombstone of your son who died young.
Yinchuan in winter is cold, and the cold wind blows into my Cold Cold Heart. A piece of Poplar Forest was silent and could not see its end. The thin snow quietly pressed the Weeds. The River lay there motionless, lying in the broad river beach, except for an unknown tree full of dim red leaves, only dense branches were left on the tree, without a leaf, and it was motionless.
The plain of Ningxia is gray, remote and lonely. Occasionally there is a tree standing there abruptly in the middle of the field, which seems to be looking for the way home. On the right side of the train, a round of red sunset, like a lantern about to burn out, drifted across rows of poplar in the distance, seemingly chasing the train we took, finally, it fell down by a shallow canyon and was no longer seen.
In the sky on the left side of the train, a cold bright moon rises. It can’t catch up with the train not far away. There are clusters of wormwood on the ground, and the willow is also like a big Wormwood.
Today is the 15th lunar calendar.
Aunt, you are getting farther and farther away. I know that a few years ago, you built a tomb for yourself in your hometown.
November 30, 2020
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