I only went to the city once. I am took out the courage to go to Guangdong alone that year. Because there is a person who knows in Guangdong. Her name is Pingping. Undeserved, plain. But people are not as good as others, with big eyes and big faces, big hands and big feet, and no big character. I like a small woman who is considerate, but I only met one of the big women, who is her. My sister introduced us. Before meeting, she knew that there was a colleague of hers who had a brother. I knew that my sister had a colleague named Pingping. Then, I went to Shantou to make a living. She still stayed in Dongguan. At that time in Dongguan, people were suffering on the road, motorcycles often passed by, horn sounds were unscrupulous, the streets were dusty, the exhaust of cars, the burning of garbage, the smell of sewer water, the smell of fried noodle shops, the glue smell and lacquer thinner taste of the factory exhaust port are all mixed together. I didn’t leave Dongguan because of these. I couldn’t find a job in Dongguan, and I couldn’t find any suitable or inappropriate job. Factory in Dongguan, 99% do not welcome men. I can’t go to Shenzhen either. I just came from there and was not qualified as a security guard. I have to go to Shantou to take refuge with my friends. Of course, I wrote to Pingping that I worked in a certain factory in Chaoyang, shantou. In fact, I lived in a broken factory of my friend and had nothing to do. No job, no income, and I am in a sad city, which affects my mood, but it does not affect my peaceful development of feelings. What is the future? I don’t know if I have described the future to her. She doesn’t hate farming, but I, farming, is a definite future. If I can’t work, I have to go back to Donggan foot to farm. This is a choice that must not be like this, and it is also a ready-made way to end the ideal. I am planning when to end my ideal, or after I get married with Pingping. To get married, you have to go to Rucheng. I don’t know which side of Pingping, Ru city is on, I really don’t know. After meeting Pingping, I have to study Rucheng. Rucheng is located in the southeast of Chenzhou, at the junction of Guangdong, Hunan and Jiangxi provinces, and the famous three provinces of chicken Ming. Zhou Dunyi, the hometown of Yongzhou, wrote “Ai Lian said” there, where Chairman Mao and boss Zhu stayed. Ten Towns and nine townships, hot springs are the most famous. In Lianxi Academy, Baishi Academy and yuntou Academy made the humanities of Rucheng comparable to Chenzhou, an important town in southern Hunan where Chenjiang is lucky to go around the mountain. The plain mild, implicit and restrained temperament may be formed by her exposure to this kind of traditional humanistic history? Ningyuan is in the south of Yongzhou, surrounded by the mountains of jiuqiao Mountain and Yangming Mountain, which is called a miasma. Leaving Ningyuan, taking a bus is like a boat, all the way in the limelight. Where is ru city? Only on the way did I know that it is also a place where mountains are connected to mountains. The road is like a belt. Sometimes in the pine forest on the mountains, sometimes in the fields, those villages are afraid of growing up and growing up, and they Dodge at the foot of the mountains, like a tattered liberation shoes abandoned in the grass. Rucheng is an old district and a national poverty-stricken county, but actually it seems that it is similar to the rural area of Ningyuan, with mud walls of tile houses, we can’t see where poverty lies. Or, this requires entering the house, checking accounts, and…… Can I understand it just by looking at flowers? Looking at the scenery outside the window, it is not strange at all. But I am the only stranger to the vehicle. They don’t know. Looking at their dark faces and anxious appearance, I didn’t feel lonely and worried. I was also anxious in my heart. Seeing Pingping, seeing her parents, seeing her sister and brother, and seeing her sister and aunt, would they laugh at Pingping: finding a man so far away from home, he is still a farmer. Is there any capital to return to my mother’s home in the future? When I think of these, I am confused. My father always forced me to marry. My family is poor, so I need to get married even if I borrow money. Twenty-eight this year, twenty-nine next year, if you don’t get married, you will be left. My father didn’t have a bachelor. If I became a bachelor, well, hit my father in the face. I won’t hit my father’s face, because I am plain. If you have, take it back. I didn’t think of money, I didn’t think of the future, I didn’t think of any difficulties. Both of them agreed, willing, the killer’s love, still need to imagine difficulties? In my imagination, love can go through fire, dry seas and rocks. Marriage is a piece of iron, which can withstand all kinds of forging. Thinking about these, although I am a stranger in a car, I don’t feel lonely at all. After getting out of the car, I can see Pingping, meet familiar people, have dependence, see lovers, have warmth. The bus stopped into the small automobile transportation station in Rucheng, and all the passengers carried large and small packages out of the door. I only came down with my hands and feet alone. I didn’t bring anything, and Pingping also said: you can buy things in Rucheng. To be honest, I don’t know what I can bring or what I can bring at home. When I arrived in Rucheng, Pingping made the decision. The alley that went out of the bus station-Rucheng is far from Ning, and everything is one size smaller. The house is short, the alley is narrow, and the city is small. However, the territory of Rucheng is much larger than that of Donggan in I am. Pingping thought I was just talking on the phone, not necessarily true, so I didn’t pick up the station immediately. I couldn’t rest assured that I walked over slowly pretending as if nothing had happened while knit a sweater. It was just a chance, and maybe I was hiding it. I wandered around the Alley of the station for a long time. If Pingping didn’t come, I would board the bus back to Chenzhou. While I was looking at the two ends of the alley anxiously, a pair of plain sweaters appeared without any delay. I cried, her big face suddenly flew full of red clouds, and even her eyebrows could not be found. She quickly rolled up the half sweater and held it in her hand, saying it was a surprise that you really came. After a pause, he said: go home. The houses on both sides of the city streets of Rucheng County were painted for foreign Gray. The alley was still a stone road, and the stone wall was still the old one. Not far away, it is a river. The river is weeping willow by the river, but the branches of golden yellow mixed with dark gray just arrived in spring have not sprouted yet. The river is silting black. On this side of the house, there are shops selling Japanese goods, fruits and electrical appliances. By the door, there is also bacon. The bacon in Rucheng is not baked, but dried. The sun is good. Every family basks in cured meat, under the wall, under the eaves, on the tiles, cured meat, cured chicken and preserved fish are put together, like stinky feet in shoes for two months. I went to the store and bought this. Pingping said it was available at home. I bought that one. Pingping said it was available at home. Finally, I made my own decision and bought a box of apples. After entering the gate of the county Party committee compound and walking through the wide Ma Shi board Road, my heart suddenly became impatient: Pingping’s family actually lived in the county Party committee’s family building! Pingping said his father worked at the county Party committee. Well, love has nothing to do with his father. Pingping said her mother was at home. Well, love is our business. I comforted myself, went upstairs, entered the door, saw his father, very calm, said hello and went out. Seeing his mother, he gave me a colorful face. Without saying a word, he went into the kitchen and was busy. There is still some time before eating, Pingping said: let’s go outside. There is a park in Rucheng, which is worth visiting. Only when I got out of the door did I find it relaxed a lot. After passing the stone bridge with carved railings, walking along the Elm Boulevard and around a square, he reached the gate of the park, where there was a piece of grass in the east and a piece of loess in the West. Looking up, there is a lonely octagonal tent on the top of the park. On the stone steps along the mountain, there were three or two crowds. This Stone Road became a flower Vine. My mother didn’t agree with our business, saying that the two places of Ningyuan Rucheng were too far away. Where’s your dad? My dad made his own decision about young people. What’s your attitude? I’m afraid my mother can’t think of it. The journey was quite smooth. Unexpectedly, when I arrived in Rucheng, I was tied. Pingping didn’t have his own attitude. I stammered and lost my language. Give me some time and I will do my mother’s ideological work. How long? One year, two years. You wait for me for two years. Two years later, I will be thirty. For a man in the countryside, his family’s economy depended on several acres of land. After thirty years, it became a real problem. I began to calculate my own little nine. Or two months. Otherwise, we ran away together and went to Guangdong to work directly. Pingping is a kind girl who is not interested in my adventure plan. Donggan’s feet are no longer like a loving mother and become a burden. I also lost pride in the several acres of orange garden I owned, which was the financial source of marriage I planned. However, in Rucheng, in the family building of the county Party committee compound, a few acres of orange gardens in the countryside are too thin and pale. What else do I have? I didn’t have anything to get to the table to impress or persuade my ordinary mother. What will Pingping take to persuade his mother? Wrap a poor egg into a hot cake? I glanced at Pingping, such a simple girl, lying is not her strong point. I can’t teach her either. Bragging is not my strong point. What the fuck? There is no fucking place or object. Dinner at night, very depressed. I don’t know what to say. Ordinary father also drank with me for two weeks. After all, he was a parent official who had seen the world and couldn’t make a chicken belly look. Pingping’s mother always refused to face me face to face, and directly pointed out that she was not satisfied with me. Think about the distance between Ningyuan and Ru city, two hundred kilometers. At this time, I was as helpless as quilt rack soft shelled turtle in the air. This is worse than unemployment. Her father is feeling guilty with me. I am not sincere. Flat like sandwich biscuit heart. Am I too anxious for success? Or, I regard myself too high? Or, am I too wishful thinking? I asked myself N questions and missed my confidence. Spent the night in his brother’s bed-his brother never showed up. After breakfast, I will leave. Pingping said nothing. From beginning to end, she was playing a role of little maidservants. When we arrived at the station, the sun was shining. Cars to Chenzhou, cars to Guangzhou, cars to Dongguan, cars to Shenzhen, put together. Let’s run. I’m half joking and half serious. I ran away, my mother couldn’t think of it, and something big would happen. Mom’s love can’t be doubted. Mom’s choice may be 100% correct. I went to the ticket window to buy a ticket to Chenzhou. Pingping said: I can certainly persuade my mother. She is a reasonable person. I said “all right” falsely, threw her down and got on the bus. I wonder how I can give my father a reasonable explanation. It’s a business, right? This good, well-deserved love can only be maintained with the blessing of the whole family. Love is the most unreliable thing. Long distance love, no love. Just like the sweater in the hand, how to stamp it is a hole. When I went to Rucheng, I was worried. When I left Rucheng, my heart was boundless. Fortunately, it began to rain. The rain in early spring was endless. The sky was dim and gray, which matched unhappiness and melancholy. When the car arrived at the point of departure, I looked around and didn’t see her. At that time, I realized that I like traveling on the road and also like loneliness. The most appropriate thing for a person’s feelings is to hold them in his heart, and then he has the feeling of being connected with each other. Rucheng, finally, was a steam whistle passing by the bus when it left.

2020/11/30

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