First sight

You were noodles strainer when I entered the door. Your profile is in the steam.

I can’t remember what I said, but the first sentence you said was: “eat noodles!”

When you speak, you smile gracefully.

I think we are so familiar with two people. I picked up the bowl and ate it without any embarrassment or embarrassment.

Soft slices of noodles, mixed with fried leeks, very fragrant!

You are wearing a red shirt with a faint black landscape of some city printed on it.

I wore a black T-shirt, which was very cheap. It must be dirty and wet with sweat, because I am came from Nanhe bridge several miles away.

I was very thin at that time, and I occasionally saw my photos at that time. I should have long hair. So do you. You also have long hair.

Aunt Xiao, the lover of her father’s friend, introduced us. You called her xiao shi and she was your workmate. This is the first time we have met.

I am a very self-abased, very inhibited person, because of family difficulties, because of the depression of more than 20 years. When I saw the girl, I blushed, but when I met you, there was nothing.

I can’t remember what we said next. That afternoon, the time was so fast.

At dusk, when we go out, I should treat you to dinner. In the restaurant on Xiangyang Road, there are two cold dishes, one of which is mustard oil Sansi, because you often said later that you helped me pick fans when I was eating for the first time.

You hardly moved your chopsticks. You sat opposite and looked at me quietly with a smile on your face.

Then, I boldly put my hand on your shoulder, and you didn’t refuse. We turned out from Xiangyang Road and walked to 30 meters Road. The night market was very lively at the crossroads. Someone was singing karaoke on the roadside. You asked me to sing to you, I sang sailor and fate.

Now I always regret why I sing these two songs! Although, these two songs were very popular at that time.

We walked along the 30-meter road to the North Ring Road and sat under a wall in the alley behind your factory. Later, you still sat in my arms.

It was the early summer season, with the cool wind blowing, we talked quietly.

Unfortunately, I forgot what I said. If I want to ask you, I will never have a chance! Never!

It was the early summer of 1996, and we have not been separated since then.

But now, we are separated forever and can’t find it again.

At that time, if only you refused me!

You won’t suffer so much with me, you won’t leave this world so early!

Even if I am still alone now, your happy laughter is still there, your fat white face is still there, still in this world that makes me despair now.

It’s a pity that I don’t know such a fate ending. If I do, I won’t see you for a lifetime!

October 4, 2020

Zan (prose editor: Jiangnan wind) remember the past, a little more youth without any regrets

Lao Gen said: I have a new idea. Draw the scene of Nangang reservoir more carefully. Let’s remember the past and have more youth…

Silly girl

Before last October, I worked and lived in Hongqiao town. This is an ordinary small town in southern Sichuan, the only one that can highlight local characteristics…

You have to go, I will go with you

Recently, I have been listening to teacher Jiang Xun talking about a dream of Red Mansions. I really think it is quite good! He said such an interesting…

Birthday soul

I stood up and stared at the kind name on your tombstone. The warmth of the tombstone gradually dispersed. I raised my head and the sky was clean…

Liu Ma and her son

Wang Xin, the eldest son of Liu Ma, finally became a family at the age of 32, but she always felt uneasy. The ins and outs of things are really difficult…

The Gleaners under the persimmon tree

Lao Gen was silent and a little sad. He thought of Xiaofang, who had liked him when he was young. (Xiaofang: now they are educated young people who liked the countryside…

New Year’s eve lonely bird

A bird cried, the sound of “creaking.

The voice was urgent, one after another, one after another, one after another dry, one hoarse, one after another desperate, and then stopped after twenty or thirty, it seemed that he exhausted all his strength and finally fainted.

However, soon, he cried like that and stopped desperately.

I don’t know what kind of bird it is. I don’t know why it is called like this. I only know that it must be lonely.

I listened to its voice and chased it with my eyes, but I couldn’t see anything. But I know that it is not far from me, circling around me in the low sky of the dark night.

I want it to stop, stop beside me, talk to it, touch it gently and touch it with tears.

However, I can’t do it. I can’t even see even a black spot it flies over.

Once, I heard its voice falling not far away, slowly and gently approaching it, but before I walked up to it, the desperate voice hovered in the air again. It must be an ordinary bird without the sound of flying with edges.

In this world, it only needs its loneliness.

I was on the plank road in the middle of the river, and it was gloomy around. I could see the yellow Reed broken half by people, you can see a piece of gray, dark and humid sand where a corner of the river recedes, you can see the light and White River, and you can see the stones gathered with shadows at the bottom of the river. That is when the years are thin, the memory revealed without taking away, countless hard gaunt. Occasionally, there is crisp and cheerful sound of water, but there, the river has become a stream.

The sound of firecrackers or fireworks came from far and near around. Intermittently, when stopping, he fell into the deeper darkness, which seemed suddenly and unreal, I don’t know why fireworks are allowed to be set off again this year. Aren’t you afraid of air pollution?

There are still vehicles running hurriedly, as if with anxious eyes open, relatives waiting for them to eat a family reunion dinner. The street lamp by the river still stood there quietly, with limited brightness like a pair of warm golden big umbrella. I walked alone in the dark night. The children and the elder sister’s family went to have dinner for the New Year’s Eve, while you lay quietly on the barren mountains and mountains. The firecrackers in the surrounding villages must make you uneasy and sad!

However, we can’t go back! My world is only wandering and lonely, especially this heartbreaking New Year’s Eve.

Suddenly I remembered that when I came just now, under the street lamp, beside me, a mother smiled and took her child to hide by the Bush. Across the road, the child’s father looked around anxiously, the child is about the same age as the baby.

It’s just, I know you’re not hiding. Three days ago, we had already given you the third anniversary.

The bird seemed to catch up, with the voice of “creaking”, Rapid, dry, hoarse and desperate.

I escaped from the lonely scream in my heart. I want to go home and be sure to go back before the children. I promised my baby that I would watch the Spring Festival Gala with him.

My body is so cold and my cheeks are so cold.

February 11, 2021

Zan (prose editor: Jiangnan wind) remember the past, a little more youth without any regrets

Lao Gen said: I have a new idea. Draw the scene of Nangang reservoir more carefully. Let’s remember the past and have more youth…

Silly girl

Before last October, I worked and lived in Hongqiao town. This is an ordinary small town in southern Sichuan, the only one that can highlight local characteristics…

You have to go, I will go with you

Recently, I have been listening to teacher Jiang Xun talking about a dream of Red Mansions. I really think it is quite good! He said such an interesting…

Birthday soul

I stood up and stared at the kind name on your tombstone. The warmth of the tombstone gradually dispersed. I raised my head and the sky was clean…

Liu Ma and her son

Wang Xin, the eldest son of Liu Ma, finally became a family at the age of 32, but she always felt uneasy. The ins and outs of things are really difficult…

The Gleaners under the persimmon tree

Lao Gen was silent and a little sad. He thought of Xiaofang, who had liked him when he was young. (Xiaofang: now they are educated young people who liked the countryside…

When the lotus pond in the backyard of my hometown is still a lotus pond, I always want to see what is rare in this world. It is worth the carp to bury himself in the water and turn it into a transparent tail, there is also a twisted body that is not proportional to the tail. The colors are pure gold yellow, white background red spot, white background red black spot, white background black spot and pure red. There are four, three, six, eight and two carp in these colors respectively. Don’t ask how I am worked out. I only know that I was squatting around rock blocks outside the bank of the lotus pond at that time, and even ohisama accompanied me until I ran to the west of the sky, if I hadn’t seen the Vine whip in my father’s hand, maybe I would still be squatting after ohisama became Sister Moon. If the change is now, the two eyes look at these carp in different colors, and swim here and there all day long, coming and going, messy, really not easy for people to worry.

The most interesting thing is that this large class makes people worry-free carp suddenly get together. They especially like to hide under the lotus leaf of the field that is usually used to hide from the rain, (Tianchen reading net tcc10086.com) to cover themselves and use lotus leaf as a canopy. I think they may have heard the chat content of the adults, discussing how to let the adults not shovel sand into the lotus pond. Unfortunately, I can’t hear or understand their koi language. However, these carp are also naive. They are in the lotus pond, but they don’t know the true face of the lotus pond. They think they will hide under the lotus leaf. There will still be a seam between the lotus leaves in Tian Tian, even if it is only as big as the stone seam. The little tails were exposed, not to mention that they always threw their tails fish fins, making the lotus leaves above the carp begin to fluctuate, and the glowing water also splashed slightly with waves. The whole lotus pond is a little restless.

However, the more calm is still behind. Although I always want to jump into the lotus pond at ordinary times, if I am seen by my family after I go ashore, I will inevitably let the Vine Whip leave a trace on my hand. On weekdays, the little finger gently touched the water and icy the cool ground, making the little finger have to retract. The carp were harassed and all swam away. And this time, I was also embarrassed to harass them, but still two looked at them eagerly. Now I feel that Lotus leaves are a little out of my eyes, making me unable to see what they are really doing. If you can’t see it, then squat forward; Still can’t see, just squat on the rock blocks beside the lotus pond, where you must see clearly!

But before he crouched steadily, one accidentally, because of the already uneven rock blocks, the whole person fell into the lotus pond with a sound of “Tong Tong. I could feel the bigger waves splashed in the lotus pond, and the waves pounced on the rock blocks unprepared; The carp scattered unawares, swimming all over the lotus pond. Looking back now, I think these scenes are especially like the blood flowers scattered all over the place by death row beheaded after autumn in ancient times.

Falling into the lotus pond, I didn’t sink under the water with those hard stones. It must be dark, cold and horrible. Like those carp, I was always at a loss on the water, but they were swimming and I am struggling. Those carp collided randomly on me and then evacuated quickly. Do they think I have invaded the enemy who belongs only to their world? I hope they don’t think so. Fortunately, my water quality is not bad. After struggling, I still don’t forget to aim at the shore and those culprits who “framed” me to fall into the water. Hurry up, step on your feet; Step on rock blocks, which is almost the only time I have exhausted my strength. When planning to escape from the tight encirclement, he almost slipped and returned to the “battlefield” center. At the critical moment, fortunately, my feet are firm.

After that falling into the water, I really got a beating for the right time. Needless to say, I dare not approach the lotus pond after watching carp, although I know it is not a terrible place. After a period of time, I suddenly remembered that I hadn’t been to the lotus pond for a long time. Before I went there, I repeatedly warned myself not to step on the rock blocks, and it was not good to scare them, just like last time. Although I don’t know if they are whispering now, I am very much looking forward to the first sight of the carp used to cover the rainproof and whispering; Looking forward to those naive but not worrying carp.

I thought as before, small gravel of the rock blocks channels were surrounded by the lotus pond. There was gentle and shy water flow in the lotus pond, and there was carp canopy on the water flow. However, the first thing I saw this time was a thin but hard lattice barbed wire, which replaced the carp canopy. Without lotus leaves, the shy flow was like a married girl who was forced to throw away the circular fan used to cover her face by others. Looking around, you can see the water surface and even the bottom of the lotus pond. The stone at the bottom of the water was originally thought that only the lotus pond with the color of green became mottled.

The most pitiful ones are Carp. They don’t have much shelter from the rain any more. They don’t have to whisper. If they say it openly, I am still very worried that adults will find out that although both adults and children, I don’t know they are talking at all. The grid barbed wire cage covers the carp’s day. Ohisama spreads sunshine as usual, but the sunshine spread this time is not warm, only dazzling and hot. Dark and strange shadows reflected in the water. I really want to know how the carp feel? I feel guilty for them inevitably. I ‘d better not get too close to them next time. At the same time, What puzzled me was why the hateful rock blocks was not replaced by thatch and floret? But fortunately, the carp are still there.

Later, my parents and I no longer lived in my hometown. After moving to the city, everything in my hometown became light in my mind with time, but it was completely lingering and confused.

In the year when junior high school was about to graduate, it seemed that seven years had not returned to my hometown. If I hadn’t suddenly remembered this time, I might never have thought about the lotus pond and the carp I thought about when I was a child, maybe it was because I was going to become an adult. When I suddenly go back this time, will I see those carp still living in the shadow of the grid? The answer is “no”. After the New Year’s Eve dinner, I followed the familiar and unfamiliar path, thinking about the rock blocks I once hated, the gentle water flow, and of course the carp. I haven’t had this kind of expectation for a long time. I didn’t expect that not only lotus leaves, but also everything could not escape the replaced fate, the fate decided by adults. The Lotus Pond was replaced by the land, the water flow was replaced by the grass, and the carp was replaced by a variety of trees that had not yet blossomed. Looking down in the past has now become looking up. This time there was no dark shadow, but the whole row of trees were all dark. Trees are not as tall as high-rise buildings, blocking in front of me. I don’t know why standing here now feels a little suffocating.

I no longer hate rock blocks. At this time, I just want to know why the lotus pond has become a forest. Adults say that compared with the beautiful lotus pond, trees that can bear fruit are better. Now I understand this sentence a little, but whenever I think of those lotus ponds and carp that can only stay in my memory forever, I can’t help but sigh heavily, after all, almost all of them existed in my childhood. After starting to contact with literature, I felt that it was really not beautiful to describe carp with “innocence” and “no worry. A poem about carp that impressed me:

“The eyes are like real pearls and scales like gold, and the waves always move out and Shen Shen. You can go to the Longmen in the river without sighing the deep years.”

Carp have already jumped out of the lotus pond. Maybe they have already jumped into the bigger lotus ponds in the Longmen. There is no need to sigh about the deep years of rivers and lakes. After all, there is no need to care about these in the Longmen.

If you have the ability to buy a house with a backyard in the future, maybe the lotus pond and carp in childhood will get a cup of soup.

Zan (prose editor: Jiangnan wind) remember the past, a little more youth without any regrets

Lao Gen said: I have a new idea. Draw the scene of Nangang reservoir more carefully. Let’s remember the past and have more youth…

Silly girl

Before last October, I worked and lived in Hongqiao town. This is an ordinary small town in southern Sichuan, the only one that can highlight local characteristics…

You have to go, I will go with you

Recently, I have been listening to teacher Jiang Xun talking about a dream of Red Mansions. I really think it is quite good! He said such an interesting…

Birthday soul

I stood up and stared at the kind name on your tombstone. The warmth of the tombstone gradually dispersed. I raised my head and the sky was clean…

Liu Ma and her son

Wang Xin, the eldest son of Liu Ma, finally became a family at the age of 32, but she always felt uneasy. The ins and outs of things are really difficult…

The Gleaners under the persimmon tree

Lao Gen was silent and a little sad. He thought of Xiaofang, who had liked him when he was young. (Xiaofang: now they are educated young people who liked the countryside…

Dark night Echo

I couldn’t help coughing and coughed gently.

I seem to hear the echo, very clear.

I coughed again, which was also gentle.

It’s my Echo, obviously weak and hoarse, coming from up and down.

I know these echoes come from tombstones everywhere in the cemetery.

I’m not afraid. You are here, I am not afraid!

Some tall tombstones have dim lights. In front of some tombstones, there were candles flashing, the warmth of clouds, more, Berlin in black, and a white piece of words on the tombstone.

You don’t have a tombstone yet, a candle still flickers, dark red light.

When I came to you, one of the candles the children lit at noon was blown out by the wind, where was it still inserted? The other one was burnt out. There was a small piece on the ground, which was very like blackish Red’s blood.

In front of your grave, the paper money burned by relatives lay there quietly, like a scattered dark cloud and a dry tear.

I think your relatives have been here, I know.

I don’t want to come with them, I don’t want.

I didn’t come until my son left school. He is still driving now. He has to wait until he picked up the baby for me from specialty class. I advised him to leave early, but he didn’t want.

I can’t hide it from you anymore. I was hurt a little and it hurt a little.

The night before yesterday, I stumbled on the ground and hit the road along the stone on my ass. It’s okay, only a little pain. It’s really okay, otherwise how can I drive here by myself?

I called my elder sister and said I would leave the baby with her for a while and wanted to do something.

She didn’t ask me what to do, just asked me if it hurt.

She knew what I was going to do, and I could hear it from her voice.

I definitely want to come, although it really hurts.

Today is lunar October. My son came back from school specially. I couldn’t go back to see my father. It’s the first time for so many years. My hometown is far away and I still have to walk a lot of mountain roads. I may not be able to survive. But my son didn’t discuss with me and went with his brothers.

I will definitely come. There are a lot of people in the cemetery today, and my relatives have come to see you. If I don’t come, how can you rest assured? I’m really fine.

I was still like this, burning paper money to you one by one, smoking one by one, tears dripping on the fire, and soon disappeared. I didn’t feel pain there, I am felt uncomfortable.

When I stood up, I gritted my teeth and seemed to have a slap. It was not for other reasons. It was very cold and my legs were numb.

It was already dark, and it was all dark around. It’s okay. I came late. When I came, the weather was dim.

Very quiet, very quiet, there is no one in the cemetery, I can hear the sound of candlelight swinging, I can hear the sound of tears flowing out, and there are two low, short birds crying, choked, the woods from the bottom of the valley.

But candlelight is warm, I look at you, look at me! In this dark night, the Echo came.

November 15, 2020

Zan (prose editor: Jiangnan wind) remember the past, a little more youth without any regrets

Lao Gen said: I have a new idea. Draw the scene of Nangang reservoir more carefully. Let’s remember the past and have more youth…

Silly girl

Before last October, I worked and lived in Hongqiao town. This is an ordinary small town in southern Sichuan, the only one that can highlight local characteristics…

You have to go, I will go with you

Recently, I have been listening to teacher Jiang Xun talking about a dream of Red Mansions. I really think it is quite good! He said such an interesting…

Birthday soul

I stood up and stared at the kind name on your tombstone. The warmth of the tombstone gradually dispersed. I raised my head and the sky was clean…

Liu Ma and her son

Wang Xin, the eldest son of Liu Ma, finally became a family at the age of 32, but she always felt uneasy. The ins and outs of things are really difficult…

The Gleaners under the persimmon tree

Lao Gen was silent and a little sad. He thought of Xiaofang, who had liked him when he was young. (Xiaofang: now they are educated young people who liked the countryside…